Post 5- You say it's your birthday; well it's my birthday too, yeah...

This past weekend, I celebrated my 42nd birthday (pictures to follow). Nothing extraordinary, some swimming and dinner at my sister’s on Friday (my actual birthday), dinner out with my sister, brother-in-law, mother, Tracey and the girls on Saturday night (the bad news being that Emily threw up this time, the good news being that I did not fall in it), and Tracey, along with my sister and brother-in-law put together a pool party for me on Sunday, with members of my extended family. Reportedly, a good time was had by all.  Thank you Cari, Joe and Tracey!

Now I, personally, have never been one for celebrations, especially ones that put me at the center of attention. One of the few occasions when I think it is totally justifiable to celebrate is for birthdays. To me, birthdays have always signified milestones in life that are worthy accomplishments. I'm not talking about the proverbial 25th, 40th, 50th birthday celebrations, because to me, birthdays number 39 and 41 are just as important as 40. It's all just a number. But, in my opinion, living, learning, growing, and experiencing life is reason enough to celebrate one time a year.

The last two years for my birthday, we spent the day at Great Adventure going on rides and watching shows. We had so much fun that first year that we decided that maybe we would make it a yearly birthday tradition. The tradition lasted all of two years, including that first one. Last summer, I was able to walk in the park without leg braces, access all of the rides, and even lift and hold the girls for short periods of time. This year, I would have no such luck. We have already gone to the park several times this year and each time it has become just a little bit more difficult to navigate around. Because of the weather conditions, we decided that the heat would be too much for me and that I would be better off indoors. The reality of course is, that the heat and humidity this past weekend, was too much for most people, ALS or not, and that after a short time the girls probably would've been just as miserable as me, so the ALS was just one of several reasons we decieded not to go. However, that was not my perception for not going to Great Adventure at the time.   I'm sure Sydney and Emily probably had just as good a time swimming in their aunt and uncle's pool as if we would have gone to Great Adventure.

For me, this birthday marks the first time I've moved from active participant to passive observer.  At age 42, however, this is the most significant milestone I have reached to date, and therefore is cause for celebration. More so than ever, people's birthdays, especialy Sydney's and Emily's, have begun to take on an even greater meaning for me.

Typically, most people will often say that time is going by too fast, especially when it comes to their children growing up. Unfortunately, for me (and this may be difficult to explain, but I'll try and do my best), time is moving by much too slow. Because the future is so uncertain, I would much rather go through life with a fast-forward button. Without getting too depressing, there's still too much that I'd like to see. In addition to the millions of other things, there are first dates (to be honest, I'm not really looking forward to this one), sweet sixteen’s, first loves, loss of first loves, proms, high school and college graduations, and maybe even marriage. These are just some of the things I'm afraid I'm going to miss, because for me, time is moving way too slow. I still have the dream to dance at my daughters’ weddings, and I plan to do everything possible to see that that happens, but sometimes I would consider myself lucky if I just have the opportunity to see it.

So, what does all this have to do with my birthday or ALS? I'm really not sure. But I can tell you that I had a really good day spending time with my family on Sunday and I am already looking forward to my birthday next year!